My dog died (four years ago)

I just saw something while watching Grey's Anatomy that brought something back. On the show some characters had to put their dog to sleep. They were holding him while he had the lethal injection. I did this. When my dog Rocky was put to sleep, I was holding him. I felt his chest heaving, and then I felt it not heaving anymore. I remember my mom wailing. I remember my dad standing there in his police uniform, head down. And I remember the one big drop on the concrete by my dad's shoe. I was the strong one. Maybe that was because I couldn't believe what had happened. Life was in my hands and then it was something else in my hands. Until tonight I hadn't thought about what it might be like to hold something that is newly breathing instead of newly not-breathing. So Grey's Anatomy made me cry as I remembered my dog expiring in my arms.