love, actually?

well, krispin and i just finished watching the movie love actually. i'm the type of sentimental romantic putz that hates movies like this one because i like them so much. i get done watching and move quickly from my everyday situation, which is being content to not have a girlfriend but still wanting girls to have crushes on me, to wishing i were a lovesick fool who threw my life away at an early age to get married to some girl i thought was "the one." (huge sigh) isn't it great that i can move so quickly from being a cynical bitter bastard to a bleeding heart romantic? i was just going to write several things, and i mention what they were going to be because they come from the two extremes i just mentioned. on the one hand, i was going to write about taking a risk with someone. and on the other i was going to talk about how these sorts of movies set up a false view of what love is. but really, i don't want to write about either of those things right now. instead, i'd like to just wish i had a girlfriend, or wife, or significant female friend whose companionship i value more highly than that of guys, and that instead of writing at this moment i could be spending time with her. those are the feelings evoked from this kind of sappy movie. (another huge sigh) ah well, that's the thing about life, it's both thoroughly enjoyable and thoroughly deplorable at the exact same time. i value my freedom and ability to find meaningful and fulfilling relationships in community, and yet i wish that i were one of the silly people i complain about who gets into other people's business because it has to do with his girlfriend, or writes corny notes to her that have all sorts of cliches in them. (wow, third huge sigh) i've said it before, but it deserves repeating: some day i should really grow up.