grief

i just read a post about a boy from roseburg passing away. i didn't know chris at all, just that he was a good lacrosse player, a good teammate, and a fun guy to be around. oh yeah, and that he had cancer.

this summer a friend of mine from school died while he was serving others in the name of Christ. he died in a car crash. he was serving God and he died in a car crash. that really doesn't make sense, does it?

this summer one of my brother's friends from school died of a blot clot. he had been taking medication. he was around 20. that also doesn't make sense, does it?

you know what, death never makes sense. it's always sad, and because we were originally meant to LIVE, dying seems so unnatural. i'm not trying to sound cheesy, but hearing about chris' death, which makes me very sad, also reminds me just how messed up everything is, how messed up I am (i am the problem), and that we all need God.

specifically, i need God. and i need his grace. thankfully, he gives of his grace and himself more than i could even imagine.

the red sox, and other important news

in several hours i will be picking my friend adam up from the airport. he went to wheaton, graduating in 2002, and is a teacher at luke's school, sca. i'm picking him up from the airport because he's flying back from st. louis, where he watched his red sox win the world series. i don't think i'll be able to stand him, because i'm sure his face hurts from being unable to stop smiling.

yesterday at the library i asked a girl for her phone number.

(let that sink in)

(a little more)

i was sitting here, and i turned to go, and i saw my friend jaime sitting at another computer. she graduated the year before me, and i haven't seen her since then. she's living down here by herself and doesn't really have any friends in the area, so i'm glad we ran into each other and i got her number. had the red sox not won, seeing her would have been the highlight of my day.

i doubt that they read this blog, but shout-outs to kelly and nate, as their birthdays are today and tomorrow, respectively. also, good luck to the roseburg boys soccer team, since they're playing right now.

i think that's everything i wanted to say...i'm going to start counting down the days until i leave, i think. although that might be hard, since i don't know for sure when i'm leaving, it could be a "fun" running gag on my blog. that way all of you regulars have something to look forward to checking.

glad you liked that last joke.

a few quotes i'm staring at

i'm sitting in luke's classroom, at his computer, and i just looked up at these two quotes while trying to think of what i wanted to write.

"...if I'm anything by a clinical name, I'm a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." --j.d. salinger

"We can only do what it seems to us we were made for, lok at this world with a happy eye but from a sober perspective." --w.h. auden

i don't know how much i agree with either of these quotes (although i think i agree with the second one a lot more) but i do know that they're great quotes that stimulate my mind. of course, i don't think i'm going to write anything about the product of this mental stimulation, just that it happens thanks to these quotes and others like them. i really don't have much else to say. or anything, else, i supose.

you're with stupid...that is, if you're with me

so i'm the biggest lamewad ever. my phone number is not the one i've been posting, but one very similar to it. i think that the guy gave me the wrong number from the beginning, because i did the repeat-it-back trick to make sure i had it right. oh well. in case anyone's been calling and getting a busy signal, or someone else altogether, the real number is this:

(602) 867-4676

(sigh) i wish i hadn't screwed that up. i just got back from watching the seahawks lose to the cardinals, which was terrible. it was only made worse by the fact that cardinals fans must be some of the dumbest people ever. seriously, they're really stupid. i think this library is going to be a very common place for me to spend evenings, as i'll be able to read and to be online.

roper is awesome. (just thought i'd say it.)

in the library

so i wish that i could get internet in my apartment, for the sake of convenience, but there's a library just down the street where i can go to get online, and i don't have to pay for it, which is always good. of course, the problem with that is my posts i've been writing on my laptop that i can't publish without an internet connection. we'll see what happens with those.

in other news: i saw garden state last night. i've wanted to see it for a while, and was really glad i finally went. what a great all-around performance by zach braff--writing, directing, and acting. i don't think i have too much else to say. while i was gone last night luke must have brought a mattress home and then drove to mesa. words cannot describe how much nicer it was to sleep on a mattress than on the floor. well, maybe they can: it was WAY nicer. having a phone has been the highlight of my week...oh wait, other than the sox beating the yankees and the seahawks getting the greatest receiver ever. i've been calling a lot of people, so if you're someone that i haven't talked to in a while, expect a call sometime. or call me, if you'd like. i'm reposting my number because the phone has become that important to me.

602 876-4676

phone number

602-876-4676

that's it. it won't be hooked up until wednesday, but there it is, as i promised, and without me selling out to the wireless companies. hooray for all of that.

much to say

i finished another book today. i finally heard back from quizno's and will be working there starting tomorrow. luke and i did, in fact, sign the lease yesterday and i moved most of my stuff in. on top of that, i will likely begin living there tonight. hopefully my loliness will wane with the move, which will give me a roommate that is also a great friend, and with the job, which will give me a daily chance to interact with people. isolation is good for a while, it allows one to read, to write, to think, to spend time alone, to spend time in silence, to have "alone" time with God. but i think that being with people is far superior and can benefit all of those things already mentioned, except "alone" time, which i don't think is as important as many evangelicals do...our relationship with God is so shaped by community and his relationship with his people, and he uses others in our lives to such a great extent--and us in their's if we'll let him--that even though we can't have as much "alone" time in community, i think we could be better for it. hopefully i'll get phone and dsl service set-up tomorrow, so that i'm still connected with the world.

the lease signing

today is the day...supposedly. right now i'm taking a break from packing stuff back into my car to make the trip into phoenix, where luke and i will be signing our lease at three and then moving in. unfortunately quizno's hasn't called me back yet. my papers should be in process right now so that i can get a fingerprint card, the only requirement other than my official transcript showing i graduated in order to get a certificate to substitute teach. what about all of those other places i applied? oh, you mean borders and starbucks and best buy? i haven't heard a word from any of them. quite disheartening. this could be my last post for a bit, as the apartment is not yet furnished with internet or phone, though those things should be happening soon, maybe as early as monday. i don't believe i have much else to say, i've been poor about posting more of the hauerwas quotes, and for that i apologize. soon, soon. in the meantime, if you've missed my interminable posts about philosophy, check out http://randomyousay.blogspot.com and read the comments to the post entitled "the heresy." i was quite pleased with myself, and think i really will re-work that a bit and submit it to relevant magazine. (end of bragging...paper, take it home. crap, that only works on strongbad emails.)

why is it that when i try to get to bed early i can't fall asleep?

the majority of the post is in the title. i've just been laying in bed for over an hour, not sleeping, and i'm getting up early to go get luke's application for the apartment and take care of some other stuff. (sigh) man i wish i were sleeping right now. and if not that, then hanging out with someone. no no, instead, i'm sitting here staring at a computer screen and my own writing, imagining that me reading it is someone else talking to me. doesn't it sound like i'm ready to be asleep? or course it does, but that doesn't mean i am.

in case you that that "or course" was a typo-it's not. that happened in a conversation with ashley today and i thought it sounded very much like strongbad, so i put it in here. what's that, you don't think it sounds like strongbad? okay, imagine him saying this:

"hey-a the cheat, do you think these electronic boots are cool?"

"memememememme"

"or COURSE the ladies will like 'em, i was just wondering what you thought...do the ladies...OR COURSE! the ladies like 'em."

see, just like strongbad. (sleep, please come quickly)

on my way

per an update:

i will soon be employed by quizno's, which i consider temporary until the substitute thing works out.

in addition, luke and i are planning on getting an apartment very soon, even moving in as soon as this weekend, perhaps. to see where we're going, check out http://www.theridgeapts.com we will probably get a studio, but i need to see one first. today i looked at the one bedroom/one bathroom model. they're nice, though a little small, so that the studio might be just as good.

not much else to say yet, though i think i'll probably have a phone by the end of next week, whether it's cell or land...not sure yet, but probably one of them.

temping

so i had a realization yesterday...in arizona all you need to be a temp is a four year degree, some fingerprints, and an application. apparently the slowest part of the process is the prints, which take 3-5 weeks. so by the end of the year, i may be a substitute teacher. that's right kids, just call me mr. schneee...mr. s.

hopefully i'll get the fingerprint packet in the mail tomorrow or monday, finish it in no time, get it turned in, go get school district apps, and have stuff in so i can start sooooooon. that's in addition to the food-service jobs i interviewed for yesterday, and the call to best buy i made today with my new number. hopefully soon i'll be living a real life.

i really am excited about the thought of being a substitute teacher. it would be a lot more enjoyable to be in an "academic" setting than even a coffeeshop or electronics store, and those are my two other best options. plus, the pay, if i can get work three to four days a week, would be better. and it would only be three to four (maybe sometimes five) days a week. plus, i'd be in at least a similar world to my friends, all of us teaching. so that's the latest.

still in a quoting mood

this is from psalm 18, in the message. verses 25-27 or around there:

the good people taste your goodness,
the whole people taste your health,
the true people taste your truth,
the bad ones can't figure you out.
you take the side of the down-and-out,
but the stuck-up you take down a peg.

these verses grab me for so many reasons. i often don't taste his goodness, or realize that the taste i'm getting is his health or his truth. and i can hardly ever figure him out. how discouraging.

except that these verses don't discourage me, because in reading them i taste those things; i realize that God is for me, because i am the down-and-out...and he is even more for so many others that are even lower down and further out than me. in fact, i am grateful that i sometimes get taken down a peg, because that sort of thing reminds me that, while those first few lines are true, without the act of christ, the work of the spirit, and the communion of the church, i would never be able to taste those things.

i often don't spend time reading the bible. i just read a 500 page novel in four days. it was great. i am very glad i did so, as i not only enjoyed myself while reading a good story, but it was something that i can chew on intellectually. in that same time i've continued reading a few psalms. i think God has used the novel in my life, there's no doubt. but i know that the bible is still his inspired word, and while i don't think that life should only be spent with our noses in his word, i do think that more of my life should be spent reading, thinking about, and praying through scripture. am i confessing online? hopefully a priest reads this, with the power to forgive...just kidding...kind of...no really...or am i...sorry, i should go to sleep, i'm going crazy.

on my way to finishing up applications and getting interviews, i stumbled upon this

well, that's not a completely true title. i didn't stumble upon this, i was reading the sports guy's article because i love to read his stuff. but this was too funny, so i decided to pass in on to my readers. (and i AM turning in two applications today, going by best buy to give them this phone number, and going to an open interview at starbucks...see, i want to work) without anything further, here is some great stuff from today's column by bill simmons, the sports guy:

The more I'm thinking about it, they're like the Stepford Wives of baseball fans: Everyone wearing red, everyone banging those Stix, nobody actually knowing anything about ins and outs of the game. They would chant "Pedro sucks! Pedro sucks!", but at odd times, like when there were 2 outs in the inning and he had just struck someone out. They would stand and cheer when the scoreboard told them, but they wouldn't stand with two outs at the end of the inning when Colon had two strikes on someone. It was like watching a bunch of foreigners. There was almost something cute about them, like they made you want to say, "Ohhhhhh," like watching a dog wag their tail when they get a treat.

The classic Anaheim fan story: My buddy Hench and I were walking into the game and doing the "Let's go Sox!" routine every time we walked by someone wearing a Sox hat or jersey. I mentioned how there were a surprising number of Sox fans walking around, followed by Hench joking that the number of Angels fans at Friday's game at Fenway would be either zero or zero. So some Stepford fan turns around and sneers, "You gotta get there first!"

Um ... what?

"You gotta get there first!"

Apparently the chip in his skull was malfunctioning.

"We're up 1-0 in a five-game series," Hench said. "I'm pretty sure we're making it to Game 3."

Then the Stepford fan came back with some "You guys have been losers for 90 years" and "19*8!" stuff. About 20 seconds too late. I think they immediately returned him to the factory for repairs.

no, my style as a writer hasn't been influenced by him at all, why do you ask?

hauerwas #2

(hauerwas #1 can be found in an entry called "a taste of what i'm reading")

this bit comes from an essay entitled "on keeping theological ethics theological," and can be found in the hauerwas reader on pages 71 and 72.

It is my suspicion that if theologians are going to contribute to reflection on the moral life in our particular situation, they will do so exactly to the extent they can capture the significance of the church for determining the nature and content of Christian ethical reflection. This may seem an odd suggestion, for it seems such a move would only make the theologian that much further removed from being a serious conversation partner. It is assumed, by theologian and philosopher alike, that any distinctive contribution of theological ethics must begin with beliefs about God, Jesus, sin, and the like, and the moral implications of those beliefs. And of course there is much truth to that. Yet the problem with putting the matter in that way is that such "beliefs" look like descriptions of existence, some kind of primitive metaphysics, that one must then try to analyze for their moral implications. To force Christian moral reflection into such a pattern is to make it appear but another philosophical account of the moral life.

But that is exactly what it is not. For Christian beliefs about God, Jesus, sin, the nature of human existence, and salvation are intelligible only if they are seen against the background of the church--that is, a body of people who stand apart from the "world" because of the peculiar task of worshipping a God whom the world knows not. This is a point as much forgotten by Christian theologians as by secular philosophers, the temptation being to simply make Christianity another "system of belief." Yet what was most original about the first Christians was not the peculiarity of their beliefs, even beliefs about Jesus, but their social inventiveness in creating a community whose like had not been seen before. To say they believed in God is true but uninteresting. What is interesting is that their very understanding that the God they encountered in Jesus required the formation of a community distinct from the world exactly because of the kind of God he was. From a Christian perspective, the atheist cannot understand the kind of God he or she does not believe in apart from understanding the kind of community necessary across time to faithfully worship such a God. The flabbiness and banality of contemporary atheism is, thus, a judgment on the church's unwillingness to be a distinctive people.

i'd love to put the whole essay on here, but that would be far too much and would probably break copyright rules. instead, i encourage each and every reader (yes luke, i know you've already ordered the book...that leaves the other four of you) to buy it for themselves.

a note on style: because i'm quoting him, i have decided to use proper style rules, as hauerwas does, in order to stay true to the original. (except for indenting, for some reason i can't figure out how to do it...unbelievable) but of course i will continue with my "jr-high-im-conversation" style the rest of the time, failing to capitalize.

future posts

pretty soon i think i'm going to post a ton of quotes from all the hauerwas articles i've been reading. that's right, now that i have no life i've been reading again. just know that there will be a lot of insightful, worthwhile, life-changing, intellectual stuff on this blog soon. (of course, that means i'm not going to be saying what i think, but what someone else thinks...there's an oscar wilde quote about that, check out http://nicoleslaws.blogspot.com to see it) well, i just wanted to give a heads up, and i'll put the proper references once they're posted, but i don't want anyone ever thinking that they come from my mind, which is why i'm giving warning now. that was long and muddled, another sure sign that i didn't quote anyone in this post. and now back to reading watership down.

so many jobs

list of places i have applied or have applications for:

best buy

borders

starbucks

doesn't that just make me look like a sellout to the corporate machine? i mean, when i first got to wheaton i wouldn't go to starbucks because it had helped push out this little coffee shop i saw when i visited. now i'm applying to work there. (sigh) too bad money is such an important part of paying off loans, having shelter, being able to go from place to place, and having an occasional meal.

fountain hills

well, i made it out here to the phoenix area on thursday. this is the first time i've been able to get online, and i just wanted people to know that i made it. i'm staying at the house of some friends, and it appears i just lost my connection. they have dsl, but it's pretty weird and crappy, so we'll see if i even get a chance to publish this post. the trip over here was better in some ways than the trip to LA, just because it's so much shorter. i've unloaded some stuff into their house, but i haven't unpacked at all because i'm hoping to move into my own place (with luke) hopefully by the end of the week. we'll see how that works out. not much else to say, i may start sounding like my brother and ending every post with "i love you all and miss you," but while that's true, i just can't do it. enough for now.